So here we have it, the post that's killing me inside, the post that I would never admit to either of the following boys about writing, the one that would cost me everything; the boyfriend vs. the "ex".

Now, many of you are going..."why is this such a horrific post?" well...simple, my boyfriend hates the "ex" and my ex hates my boyfriend. The end

Boyfriend Facts:

•  Twenty-five
• Married once before...possibly still married.
• Two kids, 2 and newborn.
• Habitual liar.
• Lives near me...
• Not supposed to have been talking to/or seeing him.
• Has cheated on me.
•  + more
  
  The "ex" Facts:
• Twenty-one
• Relationship/trust issues
• No kids, actually hates children.
• Lives in Ohio...
• Is atheist and my mother hates that.
• Isn't the type to cheat.
• + more
  

 Now, "why does your boyfriend hate him, Laci?" pops into your head, huh? Well...this past summer, July 22nd, 2008 to be exact, I met this incredible guy. He was charming, showed intrest in me and was funny (keep in mind that I was meeting him at 2 o'clock in the morning and he was the friend my other friend brought along so he could have an excuse to see my best friend). Yeah, so we were the two lone people, who decided we liked the idea of flirting with each other, kissing, hugging, etc. Me and my best friend, decide we want to hang out with them after I went to get my hair cut that day, so they got a hotel room and we went to chill with them around...three pm. Four o'clock rolls around and the "ex" decides he wants to take things farther, ending up in sex and me feeling terrible afterwards. He didn't understand, but I assured him I was okay (a lie). Well with that out of the way, we exchanged numbers, and would chat here and there on myspace/yahoo messenger.

I would have them come to Indiana every chance I got...and got closer and closer to the "ex" (wondering why "ex" is always in ""? We never actually dated.) and continued to do so...

until September 28 rolled around and I was meeting my current boyfriend. He found out what had gone on between me and the "ex" and was there for me to cry to when the "ex" called and told me he wasn't coming that night, that he didn't want to see me (yeah, I was crushed & he's still pulling it to this day). Me and my boyfriend started dating in December, fourth, to be exact and have been together since. Though he has cheated on me, told me numerous lies, and will not confess to any, though I have the proff.

My dilemma with that, is that I love him.
I love both of them. Always will.
I can't get out, of either.

My "ex" lights my life up with the littlest things; and me and my boyfriend are one-in-two. I've gone through so much with both of them, that I just can't realize who I want more. My "ex" has told me he feels to attached to me and can't talk to me all the time like he usually did...but I can't help but picture myself in his arms, waking up to him. I feel like I should have tried harder with him, not have been a fool to have given up so easily. But my boyfriend is the same, I can't leave him, because I feel the need to keep trying...to give it my all, my best, when I seem to only get 89% out of him.